Cmon, you can’t seriously walk around an outdoor fountain in the summertime without sliding your ghetto-cool mirrored sunglasses on and checking out all the chickies. Seeing boobies like this makes me happy. The world is right, the economy is fine, I’m not about to get fired, the national debt has not just exploded, and my other car really is a Porsche. Those boobies make me think that women everywhere want me to look and are pleased that I’ve noticed. By the way, is she listening to a real Ipod or are those white earbuds just faking me out?
Who would’ve thought back when we were watching her bee-bop around in the Addams Family that we’d get a boner over pictures of Christina Ricci walking across a parking lot braless. I’m guessing she proceeded to climb into a $100,000 Mercedes or BMW, but I swear that has nothing to do with the trouser snake action. When she was younger, her parents divorced and she was a cutter. You know, the self-injury thing. That’s a little creepy. But did I mention that she is not wearing a bra and she’s kind of sexy? She is known as an activist so I probably won’t marry her.
We have all met them before. They may be blonde, with deep blue eyes. Perfect skin, with florescent white teeth. Dangling earings, a necklace draped into a plunging neckline lost in the deep cleavage of two heaving braless breasts. Tiny waist with wide hips. A skirt that is clingy, heels capping off perfect legs. They know they have it, and they use it when they want to or need to. They get what they want from me usually. Sometimes I am smart enough to say no, but geez running across a hot women like this in the workplace or out in public can be unnerving. You have to have a steely hand and determination to tell them “No, I will not change your flat tire, call a wrecker like everybody else.” Some girls like this become strippers, which is a waste. Not that strippers aren’t awesome, and fun to hang around, and a little naughty to sleep with, it’s just that if you take those looks and attitude into an office you can wreak such havoc and get promoted so fast.
Madeline Zima is the 23 year old actress from The Nanny and Californication. I’m not sure if she’s married, but probably not. In fact, I bet she doesn’t have a boyfriend. The reason I say that is because she isn’t pregnant. Any girl that looks that fresh and perky and is famous and semi-rich would need like eight forms of birth control in order to keep herself from getting impregnated. Madeline and her sisters have been in the Hollywood industry for years. Sometimes she calls me dirty names in bed, but I just remind her that sticks and stones can break my bones but words can only engorge me.
