6 Weird Sex Toys/Devices Ya Gotta See to Believe

Maybe you don’t know me very well, but it’s safe to assume I’m a sex toy expert.

I’m a middle-aged pervert, and that means I’ve had plenty of years to kick around the dark, dusty corners of the world (and the internet), discovering the some weird stuff.

What the heck, I might as well share some of it with you!

1) The dual-purpose clit-sucker
Some women like their clit to be directly stimulated. Some women like penetration. Hmm, how about a device that does both? Or better yet, instead of vibrating, what if it actually vibrates and sucks? Oh lordy, some genius came up with this thing and women who try it are pretty much ruined forever.

One time I had a girlfriend. I know, wonders never cease. And I bought this for her. And she broke up with me because she didn’t need me any more.

Her eyes would literally roll back in her head. Have you seen Poltergeist? Yep, just like that. Check it out and see what ya think, but be forewarned.

2) Inflatable penis fight
I know what you’re thinking. Why the hell would I buy an inflatable penis? Hold up, let me tell you how this works.

I was at a party and somebody busted these things out. Women love, capital “L-O-V-E” pretending like they have dicks. Especially after they’ve had a few drinks.

They like strapping things on, and wagging and thrusting their hips around. Yes, they giggle and laugh. But deep down inside, just for a few minutes, they feel a tiny bit like the mythical MAN, and they love it.

Every time a woman plays with one of these things, she goes and humps the bezeezus out of a dude afterwards. It’s like magic.

3) A pocket pussy… with teeth
Forget what everybody else says. All those dudes saying they like their ladies with dentures so they can take them out for the best head? Nope. Wrong.

I like a little teeth. And you do too. Or at least you will if you try it.

And isn’t this the freakiest yet coolest thing?? See the tongue? And the teeth?

I had to buy one of these just for the novelty of it.

4) Wireless camera dildo
Hey, don’t kinkshame me here. I know this is weird shit. If you don’t like my weird shit, just focus on your own weird shit.

I think this thing is awesome. It is a an 8″ long dildo that also vibrates and has a camera on the end.

They call the camera a “slime-eye” camera, which makes me crack up and giggle like a pothead.

It is wireless up to like 100′. When your ladyfriend jams this where the sun don’t shine, have no fear cause’ this little beauty has 4 LED lights that will keep you abreast of things.

By the way, the app allows you to take screenshots or record video. Ahhhhwesome…

5) The big dong extension
Let’s pretend assume my dick is average-sized.

Who hasn’t dreamed about having a gigantic one? I mean like a monster in yo britches.

I wish I had one so big that it was hard to get in. And when it finally went in, the ladies would say something along the lines of “Oh! Ow! Oh my gosh!” You get the idea.

Wellll… this is what I like using.

This behemoth is almost 9″ long and realllly wide and makes everybody moan and gasp.

6) The milker
Holy shit: buckle up and hold on to your hats, boys!

I like sticking my dick in things. I’m a dude, sue me. I am genetically programmed to put this manly magic wand of mine into every nook and cranny I can find.

The “milker” definitely has the right name. Stick your johnson in there and let it go to work. It is automatic, which (depending on my mood) is my preference. But what I like most about this thing is it both strokes and sucks.

The case that holds all of the stuff also has a big pump thing in it. You connect the air line to the masturbator sleeve. All of the necessary stuff is included in the kit. When you turn it on… the damn angels start singing.

The membrane grips, squeezes, strokes, and sucks. I honestly don’t know how they do this, but it’s goddam amazing. It’s like a hand and a mouth doing their thing all at the same time. Yesssss!

You are probably tempted to click on this link and find out how much this little box of perfection costs. If you are going to do that, I gotta warn you. Prepare yourself. It’ ain’t cheap. The rusty Yugo I drive cost less than this thing. But think about it differently. If you amortized the cost of this lovebox over the number of orgasms it will give you, it’s only like $.50 per orgasm. Not bad at all, hahahaha.

Hint – if you like this kind of stuff, you can check out my previous perverted products review here.

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Kochanius Has Boobs Too

Those of you nerds that have been blowing up my website lately checking out what I had to say about Acropolis1989 are going to thoroughly enjoy Anna Kochanius.

Unlike Acroplis, there’s nooooo doubt Anna’s boobs are all natural. They are gigantic. I am scared to take a guess at how big. Clearly they are like F-cups or something.

And they droop. Yes, they sag a little. Please do not write me and tell me I’ve lost my edge because I’m drooling over someone here on BralessBlog who has saggy boobs. I like ’em. Watching those things fall over and then jiggle when I put her on her back would be the highlight of my pathetic, loser life.

Nobody knows much about her. I hear that she is American, but with a weird last name like that ya gotta wonder. Inspecting her photos, it’s hard to tear my eyes away from those whoatits, but the settings are nondescript enough to possibly be North America.

She is 5’4″ tall and has some grrreat blue eyes. She’s supposed to be 23 years old.

Did I mention I wanna marry her?

Look, it’s 2021 and life without 4k video is not worth livin. So here’s a video of her in motion. Alll jiggly 120 lbs of her.

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The Pinching of the Braless Nipples

I’ve never been a fan of nipple pinching. Or, phrased more carefully, I’ve never been a fan of having my nipples pinched.

That shit hurts. My nips are sensitive. Stay away from them.

Ever go to the beach when you were a kid and abrade your nipples swimming on a raft or a boogie board? I hate that.

But I happen to know a few women who love having their nipples pinched. Or bitten.

This lady seems to be one of them. She’s pinching her nips for all she’s worth. Ouch!

While I was at it, I added a new video to our fairly popular braless brides page. You should go check out the bouncing.

I’m guessing this exercising lady pinched the bejeezus out of her nips to make them stand at attention. I love the concept of her exercising braless. She is not a small gal, those are some pretty big boobs to be bouncing around. Plus, she’s a little droopy. But not in a bad way.

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A Lil Braless Luv

A few quick updates for today…

I added a new video to the Acropolis1989 post. Ya’ll just relax and quit blowing up my inbox would ya!

Maitland Ward makes me want to buy a fleshlight.

That porcelain skin. That red hair with those blue yes.

Oh, did I mention her crotch and those boobs? Um, yeah. It works for me, I’ll just put it that way. I kind of look at this picture and imagine her crushing my greasy head with her thighs. I think I would let her use that thing on me. Don’t lie, you would too.

I was in a yuppie bar the other night talking with this lady. She was only mildly attractive. It was hot in the bar, and before long, she let her hair down. Hmm, not bad looking. Then she took her glasses off. Oooh, I like. She went to the bathroom and when she came back she had unbuttoned her overshirt. Her pokies were nearly offensive. I’m talking nipples for miles. This progression from mild to supermodel could have been the beer goggle effect. Or maybe it was more legit.

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