Fruitless Search for a Bra

Posted on March 15, 2007 by Mr. Pokies

We feel sorry for Camille who had such a hard time trying to purchase a . Hey, what’s wrong with padded bras? Anyway, our solution to this type of problem would of course involve going braless!

Thursday, March 15, 2007
  Bras
Current mood:  aggravated
Category: Fashion, Style, Shopping
I had to buy a strapless bra recently. I’m going on vacation very soon and I have been buying a lot of sun dresses to wear — I’ll be in Belize, so I’m hoping that sun dresses are appropriate — but I needed a new strapless bra. My old strapless bra had some problems. One of the cups got smushed somehow, so it looked like I had been punched in the boob when I wore it. That wasn’t going to work on my fancy vacation.

What does a girl do when she needs a new bra? She goes to Victoria’s Secret. I still had part of a gift certificate left over from Christmas, so the outrageous prices there weren’t going to stop me. I went to the mall near where I work, which unfortunately has a small VS. I didn’t have a lot of time — lunch hour — so I had to enlist the help of the salesman who was working that day. Yes, they had a salesman on the floor — an oddity at any VS store. I told him what I wanted. Most importantly, I didn’t want a padded strapless bra. Just a regular one. This narrowed my choices considerably. He showed me to a rather shiny, golden-hued padded bra. Oh, but these were removable gel pads, and I didn’t have any other choices in this store.

First of all, I do not want a shiny bra. I do not need anyone to see my bra glisten underneath my nearly transparent white dress. Secondly, hello! Even with the gel pads removed the bra still felt like my memory foam matress cover. Why has VS turned into the padded bra superstore? Why is it so difficult to find a comfortable, nice-looking bra which doesn’t pushup, plunge or invisibly add a size?  Plus, I need one of two colors for my bra – flesh or black. That pretty much covers it for me. Sure, I have a lavendar one because it is pretty, but I almost never wear it because I don’t have a ton of lavender clothes and it shows under the white clothes, which I do have a lot of. VS is a field of colors and patterns. Now you can not only get a vivid color on the outside of your bra, but the inside, in addition to being highly padded, comes with an animal print fabric!

All I can figure is that the world is populated with whores and I just missed the memo. Some women out there might be saying now, “but I need a padded bra to make my blah, blah outfit look better.” Well then, the padded bra should be the exception in the store, not the rule, for those outfits which just cry out for a little extra boob.

I did eventually find an okay bra at the larger VS store in the mall farther away. It was in their Pink line, which as far as I can tell is geared at teenage girls. At least my gift certificate is used up.  Next time I get one, I think I stick to the panties. But don’t get me started on those.
 

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Hire a Hit on Jennifer Love Hewitt’s Man

Posted on March 13, 2007 by Mr. Pokies

We realize she is not getting any younger or perkier, but dayum she is still so super-fine. Getting scolded, smashed in the head, or ignored by a braless Jennifer Love Hewitt would probably be better than winning the lottery maybe even getting french-kissed by a drunk Jery Ryan. Uh, where was I… oh yeah. Anyway, Jen is hanging around with this boyfriend looking dude that makes us slightly jealous. It is only a slight consolation that he looks like a…

You know what, maybe he treats her nice. Maybe her calls her several times a day and buys her flowers often.

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Top 7 Reasons We Like This Braless Girlie

Posted on March 12, 2007 by Mr. Pokies

7) She is pretty.
Call us shallow, but we like pretty girls more than we like ugly ones.
6) She looks inebriated.
Suspicious glow to the cheeks. Dark pub-like background in the photo. Drunk pretty girls are even more fun than sober pretty girls (we learned this in college).
5) We like her halter top.
Halter tops are great. Very minimalist, not wasteful. If we all did away with sleeves and straps, think of how much material we would save, and how much better off the environment would be. And that material is very thin – less waste!
4) Nice bellybutton.
So her abs aren’t ripped, so what. Everyone that has ripped abs, please raise your hand. See, bunch of beer-swilling, cheescake nibbling goobers got no business commenting on the extra 0.75 lbs she’s packed on eating Weight Watchers deserts while watching Gray’s Anatomy. We don’t like outies, she has an innie, she qualifies.
3) Stance.
We’re glad she’s not in a military uniform (not that there’s anything wrong with a hot chick in a military uniform), but the way she’s standing – so proud, so firm – makes us think of the STARS AND STRIPES, and hot dogs, and the 4th of July, and rolling around on a blanket naked picnics.
2) The general illusion.
She makes us think of girlfriends who are very concerned about their partner’s (frequent) sexual satisfaction, like to bring home new sextoys once per week, never yell at us about taking the trash out, don’t have a mother who likes to visit, and tend to shop with their own credit cards. We understand such a woman does not exist, but looking at her angelic face and uh the rest of her, for just a brief moment in time, we believe its possible.
1) She is braless.
Oooh, boy, is she . She defines the word braless. Look up braless in Wikipedia or Webster’s, and you may very well see a photo of this girl demonstrating the correct method. And the shape, the very contour of her condition is most magnificent. No slackers here. Go for the gusto, that’s what we always say. Beam your headlights around the world, be free, be pokie.

Pretty Braless Amateur

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Kate Beckinsale Cannot Hide Her Nips

Posted on March 11, 2007 by Mr. Pokies

She may shrug and cover.  She may duck and jive.  She may hug herself and squeeze her eyes shut.  But no matter what, the stunningly beautiful Kate Beckinsale cannot hide those wonderful pokies from our view.  Why?  Because we are armed with 12 megapixel digital cameras, 12x optical zoom lenses, and cold breezes.

I have added a handful of photos of Kate wearing this ephemeral peach-colored dress. And why not, because if her nipples poked any harder against that thin fabric, something would be liable to tear. The fact that she is so clearly braless makes me wonder if that dirty girl might have left the house with no panties. But I digress. I really like the way she has her hair pulled up, and that color makes her perfect skin really pop.

Kate Beckinsale pokies 1Kate Beckinsale pokies 2Kate Beckinsale pokies Kate Beckinsale pokies 5

You can also see Kate here.

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