Ginormous. That’s what I think of when I see Aubrey O’Day swinging those big boobs without tethering them with a bra. I could’ve sworn we had looked at Aubrey’s boobies in a post before, but a quick search of the ol’ site turned up bupkis. She is 28, and mainly hit it big as a singer in Danity Kane. But then she got fired, and she posed for playboy, and landed on Maxim’s top 100 a few times. Now she is hot, don’t get me wrong – even though I’m the equivalent of a greek god I can’t be too damn picky. But Maxim is wakked if they think she is one of the hottest 100 babes in the world. She’s a little fake. Her blue eyes shout contacts to me, and her skin ain’t exactly flawless. Now having said all that, when I see those melons sporting a few veins, I always think they look a little more natural. Say gross and ewww and roll you eyes if you want, but seeing some blood vessels in the old rack makes me feel really alive. And horny. I can’t say for sure if these are real or fake, but I know Aubrey would love to show them to me in person so I could better judge them.

It’s not exactly an infrequent occurrence – Rumer Willis being spotted braless in Hollywood. Let’s see here. Rich? Check. Pedigreed? Check. Boobies? Yep, pretty good. Show em off? Obviously. Cool parents? Oh yeah.

Forgive me for jumping to conclusions, but basically every single photo I see of Rumer she looks like she just woke up and took some cold medicine. Not as in she looks bad, just sort of low IQ. Now I personally have never been accepted into Mensa, which is why I take government food stamps and leave my mobile home just long enough to go to the closest public library to post on my perverted blog. But dayum, when folks take photos of me, I try not to give them the glazed-eye, mouth-breathing, duh look.

If there was a sex tape of Rumer Willis, it would never be published. Her dad Bruce Willis would whip up on somebody and they would rue the day. Bruce is like Chuck Norris, pretty much omniscient, badass beyond belief, and willing to crumble you into bits and use you on his salad like bacos if you mess with his tattooed daughter. I can’t imagine growing up with a name like Rumer. I thought Johnny Deeper was bad, but the kids would’ve really made fun of me if I sounded like this gal.