Jennifer Lawrence Teases Me Mercilessly

I am so enamored of Jennifer Lawrence, I had to create a new category for her. I hope she doesn’t embarrass me terribly by doing like one more movie and then dropping off the face of the earth. Or deciding to have breast reduction surgery. Or getting a sex change, or coming out and admitting that she is a virgin, or some such thing.

Her face is so girl-next-door beautiful. I could do without the moles, I’ll just sic a dermatological surgeon on her. But the eyes, mamma mia, her eyes make me whimper.

This skimpy black dress is held on by a few tiny straps, that are sewn oh so carefully. Wouldn’t take much for her big c-cup natties to bust out of there. I could probably help things along by plucking one of those strings like a guitar. Twang! Next thing you know they are all up in my face like pale white balloons that smell like baby powder. If you look carefully, and I’m sure you are, you’ll find that you can sort of see through this dress and her nips are poking out. I don’t know who the designer is, but if I find out I’m going to paypal her $1. I realize that’s not much, but if every dude in the universe who sees this dress and gasps sends said designer $1, she can afford to eat a bit more and get some lipo.