Christina Applegate Tits Are Sleepless and Bouncy

Yes, Christina Applegate just turned 45. So what. A few wrinkles here and there, maybe the tiniest bit of sag. She is still a goddess.
And you would think so too, if you grew up watching her do Kelly Bundy on Married with Children. She started that back in 1987, so she was fifteen years old. And playing the ditzy blonde slut certainly resonated with those of us infused with giant bricks of testosterone.
Did we sit in front of our televisions hoping for a glimpse of nipple? Oh yes, we most certainly did.

Hey man, in the 80’s and 90’s if you wanted nekkid girls you didn’t just open up a browser and google your way into fantasy-land. There were Frederick’s of Hollywood catalogues, there were MTV videos, and there were the blonde locks and the bouncy boobies of Ms Bundy to think on.
Hey, if I was producing Married With Children, I certainly would’ve leveraged Applegates tits and put her in tanktops, short skirts, and freezing temps. I don’t know what percentage of viewers were guys, but every single one of them wanted to see Peg and Kelly boobs!

Christina did an interview recently where she talked about her struggles with insomnia. She says she only averages about three hours of sleep per night. You know what she needs? An orgasm.

Huffington Post published an article a few years ago that cited a study saying 30% of US women masturbate to help them get to sleep. I would find the article and give you the link, but I’m a lazy pervert.

In my infinite chivalry, I would be happy to facilitate Christina’s deep sleep REM cycle with one, two, mmmm maybe three orgasms. I feel very “up” to the task.

Seriously though, I can’t imagine what it would feel like to average three hours of sleep for years on end. I’d feel like a zombie. She’s married and has one kid. Who can function sexually if you feel like the walking dead? I’m surprised her husband gets any at all, they gotta be headed for divorce.

She is on her second marriage. Now that I’m thinking about it, I think I could make a great marriage counselor for girls like Christina Applegate. I’m not talking about forty-five year olds, I’m talking about hot girls in general. I could help them out with a few orgasms here and there, and the tremendous sense of relief and well-being bestowed upon them would make them happier, less prone to depression, and more likeable by their husbands.

Getting back to the important topic at hand, despite a few health scares, Christina is still rocking the pokies. I’m proud to say I’ve spent twenty-nine years fantasizing about her braless nipples. I’m not sure what will give out first: the perkiness of her B-cups, or my average-to-mediocre testosterone levels, but it will be a whole lot of fun to wait and see.

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