Helen Flanagan (no relation to Helen Hunt) has a very interesting body. Here we see her both bronzed like a sun-worshipping islander, and white as a sheet like some kind of sexy ass vampire. But it ain’t so much her skin tone, it’s her body shape. The turquoise bikini is just kind of weird. A little cellulite, some doughy/pasty abs. Then bam, the orange dress. Hotenss. She climbs out of the limo with her legs crossed, because she knows there are pervs like us out there breathlessly waiting to look up her skirt. But does that knowledge stop her from wearing a dress that squishes up her cleavage and is slid down to her bellybutton. Nosiree. Show ’em off. That what Helen says.
Helen is famous for staring in some kind of British show. I’m not British, and I don’t really see any bad teeth, so we’ll just ignore all that for now and concentrate on her exceptionally large, 21 year old, 36C cup boobies. Not that they are perfect. But if she tossed those extra-wide hips around my face I would certainly try to make the c-cups jiggle and dance the O-dance. Nope, that’s not the OJ Simpson dance. An entirely different two-step there, pardner.
Ginormous. That’s what I think of when I see Aubrey O’Day swinging those big boobs without tethering them with a bra. I could’ve sworn we had looked at Aubrey’s boobies in a post before, but a quick search of the ol’ site turned up bupkis. She is 28, and mainly hit it big as a singer in Danity Kane. But then she got fired, and she posed for playboy, and landed on Maxim’s top 100 a few times. Now she is hot, don’t get me wrong – even though I’m the equivalent of a greek god I can’t be too damn picky. But Maxim is wakked if they think she is one of the hottest 100 babes in the world. She’s a little fake. Her blue eyes shout contacts to me, and her skin ain’t exactly flawless. Now having said all that, when I see those melons sporting a few veins, I always think they look a little more natural. Say gross and ewww and roll you eyes if you want, but seeing some blood vessels in the old rack makes me feel really alive. And horny. I can’t say for sure if these are real or fake, but I know Aubrey would love to show them to me in person so I could better judge them.
It’s not exactly an infrequent occurrence – Rumer Willis being spotted braless in Hollywood. Let’s see here. Rich? Check. Pedigreed? Check. Boobies? Yep, pretty good. Show em off? Obviously. Cool parents? Oh yeah.
Forgive me for jumping to conclusions, but basically every single photo I see of Rumer she looks like she just woke up and took some cold medicine. Not as in she looks bad, just sort of low IQ. Now I personally have never been accepted into Mensa, which is why I take government food stamps and leave my mobile home just long enough to go to the closest public library to post on my perverted blog. But dayum, when folks take photos of me, I try not to give them the glazed-eye, mouth-breathing, duh look.
If there was a sex tape of Rumer Willis, it would never be published. Her dad Bruce Willis would whip up on somebody and they would rue the day. Bruce is like Chuck Norris, pretty much omniscient, badass beyond belief, and willing to crumble you into bits and use you on his salad like bacos if you mess with his tattooed daughter. I can’t imagine growing up with a name like Rumer. I thought Johnny Deeper was bad, but the kids would’ve really made fun of me if I sounded like this gal.
Eva Longoria, who is no relation to the gigantic globes of Eva Amurri, is one hot little spanish looking dame. Eva is pretty, but bless her heart I don’t think she is very smart. The reason I say that is because she married an NBA point guard. Now we all know those NBA boys like to dip their stinger in every pot of honey they can find. Nobody can blame Tony Parker for slobbering on Eva, she is after all smoking hot. But for Eva to actually think Tony would keep pony in his pants is really dumb. Tony proceeded to do what he does, and when Eva discovered like five hundred text messages on his phone from some bimbo, she flew into a rage and divorced his ass. She makes like $13 million a year, so hey let’s not feel too sorry for her. She is 36, no spring chicken, but still young enough to have some perky, pointy little boobs. When she pops out of this limo and waves, she seems to be saying to me:
a) hi, please check out my boobies
b) I only have a few more years before my eggs stop dropping into my fallopian tubes. Since I’ve never had any children, my biochemistry is turning me into a stark-raving-mad hornball right now. If you don’t jump my bones, I will go hump that washing machine over there. Your choice.
