After twelve long months of not looking at Maria Menounos’s wet bikini boobs (and, to be perfectly honest, her critchety crotch too), I am having withdrawal pains. Well, not totally true. I was staring at her boobs during Dancing With the Stars. Those are probably C-cups. I would like to give them the PALM test to be sure, but probably all-natural C-cups. You’ll have to excuse her gigantic mane of hair that makes her look like some kind of horny, smiling tigress. I’ve seen her look much hotter, but dang when those boobs are on display you gotta stop and smell the roses.

You gotta admit, she looks pretty elegant, if you just ignore the hair. She probably smells good too. All stilted up on those heels. They would stay on, oh my yes I would have her keep those heels on when I ripped that zillion dollar dress off her and dove right in. I generally like babes with blue eyes, well shoot I just like babes period, but with Maria’s brown eyes she has this wounded doe who is sexy and about to scream while she cums look. If I’m really lucky, she will stumble across this post one day on the interwebz and realize I am the one for her and she will contact my pastor agent about getting me in touch with her.

I wanted to add in some more snaps of Maria doing her boobie thing in a dress. You don’t mind do you? Haha.

She appears to be climbing out of some kind of exotic car for a party or a red carpet event here. You can see her ticket in her hand, and her little purse, and her overcoat. Thank god she’s not wearing that jacket, because the way she’s standing there we can very clearly see her boobs pushed together in the soft daylight, beckoning for us to motorboat them.

I could have sworn we had posted about Irina Shayk before, but the database doesn’t lie. Of course I’m also drunk and possibly not typing in the search box with extreme accuracy. It’s the sideboob I’m after. Actually, what I’m after is to go to bed. I’m just after one last rub post before I collapse. She really don’t mind showing ’em off do she?

I don’t know what she does, I don’t know what cup size she is, I don’t know why she’s walking the red carpet or how old these pics are. I don’t know anything except I like looking at the profile and thinking about those uncupped girlies winking at me in the moonlight.

Curvy girls in Hollywood really aren’t that prevalent. You might find a girl like Jenny McCarthy, with big boobs and a skinny waist, but that’s just busty, not curvy. Kelly Brook has some meat on her bones. You can tell she is one holiday season away from being a spokeswoman for Weight Watchers. She and Adele are birds of a feather when it comes to that. All of that sounds kind of cruel until you realize I ain’t cracking, just pointing out the fact that Kelly isn’t skinny. I like her curves.

What’s really great is she tends to shwizzledick around braless. As you can imagine, I find this enormously entertaining. Having big boobs is one thing. Treating them like an honest-to-gawd asset is entirely different.

Judging by what I can see of her nipples – which you have to admit is plenty- Kelly has some serious spikes. This third picture just slays me. Everybody on the red carpet that night must have been able to think only one thing: WOWZA LOOK AT HER NIPPLES! So for her to grab some other celebrity and grind those big spikes against her mercilessly is like off the charts. I don’t know who the other lady is, but she was probably thinking she would attract more than a little attention with her big airbags. But then when she wasn’t even looking, Kelly grabs her and squashes her and pssssssssshhhh deflates her. Crazy bummer, hard to plan for a terrible emergency like that when you’re dressing for an awards show.