Ok so I admit it, I didn’t know who Minka Kelly was before today. I had to google her. Twenty years ago, if I said I googled some hot lady I didn’t know, people might get a little uncomfortable and wonder if that was some kind of perverted public groping. In this specific case, that’s not far off the accurate line, but you see my point. My point is, when Minka Kelly presents those wonderful perky breasts all braless and shiny, and then BAM! she smiles, time slows way down. Einstein accounted for this in his theory of relativity, and also experienced it – didn’t he sleep with his busty cousin or something?

Minka’s mom was an exotic dancer. At least until she got knocked up by an Aerosmith guitarist. Minka was in a couple of seedy movies that are my favorites – Friday Night Lights and Charlie’s Angels. Why I didn’t notice her boobies and burn her name into my brain forever I’ll never know. Who knows, maybe she only had like a 5 minute part. She has those sultry dark eyes and dark hair, and I think she would look really great in my bed with a tiny red g-string on. She is curvy, and she’s 32, which means she better start learning how to starve herself so she doesn’t get too pudgy. Honestly, I’d hump her pudgy too, she is that hot.

Doe she have fake boobs? Wow, those things look great. Stand by while I go do a little more “research”…

I went to see Batman in the theater this weekend. Nobody shot at me, so I guess I should feel lucky. Indeed, I do feel lucky, because I got to see Marion Cotillard rolling around with Bruce Wayne on a bearskin rug in front of a fireplace.

She is 36 years old, so she’s getting a few miles on her. She reminds me a lot of Katy Perry. Same big mellons, and big round eyes, and big shiny white teeth. Except for that dang mole in the center of her forehead. Seriously, it’s 2012, you can get stuff like that taken care of. A few months ago, I went to jump the bones of the older lady that lives in the trailer next me, and there was this um spot on her coozie and she said don’t worry son, I just had a mole removed. See, even trailer park ladies do it.

Believe it or not, Marion tends to keep those big boobies strapped down pretty consistently when out at movie premiers and such. It was a struggle to dig around and fine some pics that highlighted her massive mammaries and demonstrated the proper level of braless cleavage.

To atone for this, Marion conversely tends to get nekkid a lot, even showing the beaver. I can’t stoop so low as to show nudity on my world-famous blog, but you can go HERE and check it out for yourself (you dirty pervert).

You are going to think I’m making this up. But I’m serious. This was really and truly reported in the news. Kate Upton actually said it.

Curvy model Kate Upton advises going braless to downplay big breasts.

The ‘Sports Illustrated’ model is famed for her generous assets. Kate embraces her frame, although there are times when she wants to blend in with the crowd.

“Honestly, to be very open about it, I feel like my boobs can be too much if I’m wearing a bra,” she said. “Sometimes I want them to be a little more downplayed, so braless works better.

Well she certainly got one thing right – “braless works better.” I have no idea why she thinks going braless is somehow going to draw less attention to her. She has mega mumbojumbos. When those girls get to bouncin around, every guy in a two block radius is going to be on a ball bearing head swivel. Much less when she gets a little pokie action going.

She reminds me a little bit of Ivanka Trump. These big-boobied blondes are pretty much driving me crazy. I’ve been crazy for awhile, with a slope that is increasing, which means it’s parabolic maybe. But whatever, they aren’t helping.