I was driving down the road yesterday in my rusty Yugo, belching oily exhaust and trying to kill as many trees as possible, when I nearly had a head-on crash with a gal on a bicycle. She was fully equipped with a day-glow orange helmet, an LED light on her handlebars, and the fancy zip-up jerseys that you see everyone wearing these days. The funny thing is, she had that jersey unzipped halfway to her bellybutton, her boobs were spilling out, and it was quite distracting.

And I realized: this is actually a thing.

Biking boobs! A new fetish for me to, umm, enjoy!

Yes, I’ve certainly dabbled in the art of the downblouse before. It can be so yummy to enjoy a peak down a busty lady’s shirt. But this is kind of taking it to a whole different level, or at least a whole different direction.

Watching those sweaty boobies wobble to and fro while your favorite cyclist is hunched over the handlebars is mighty fun.

And like everything else these days, chicks are trying to make a living unzipping for the camera. Social media posts are blowing up when these gals grin at the camera and snap a selfie with their perkies poking. Other women are jealous, and can’t leave it alone. And guys like up click and until our clicking fingers are numb.

All in all, I think it’s a great way to turn a kind of boring sport into and excellent perversion-fest.

Occasionally you can find some wanton woman enjoying her bike ride just like nature intended – unfettered by a bra, and with those boobs deliciously unbound. Who wants to squash their boobies up in a sportsbra? Nope, not you and I. Screw it ladies, let’s slip into one of those sexy, silky jersies with no underwear or bra. And make sure your nipples are visible. And make sure that jersey rides up into the crack of your butt, and gives you a pretty soft, solid cameltoe.

Because I’m so damn awesome, I actually dug up the “old” braless bicycling video I posted to youtube awhile back. In four years, it has received around 180k views. In this case, the emphasis is on “braless” rather than biking, as this girl (with some truly ginormous knockers) isn’t exactly a world-class cyclist.

I actually got a notice the other day that youtube took down one of my videos called “braless walk”. Zero nudity, nothing raunchy, just somewhat provocative. So click the thumbs up and enjoy it while you can, who knows how long videos like this will stay up.

And after the embedded video, I’ve attached a handful of other biker babe photos. Cause I’m actually too lazy to annotate or describe them, but none of us are too lazy to enjoy them 🙂

[what do ya know, youtube nannies deleted my video!]

Update:

This cute little blondie sure does seem proud of her boobs considering how she is standing. She is thrusting those pokies out like they are the crown jewels. Now, come to think of it, they sort of are. Maybe she has ridden that bike around enough to get sweaty, and then her nipples have started poking through her wet shirt, as those nips tend to do.

Wowzers. I’m sort of glad this is just an average, run of the mill bike with no suspension. Because when busty Kelly hits a pothole, I want the full shock of that collision to bounce those beautiful big boobs everywhere. I’m fretting and worried that her cleavage may actually spill out of that red dress. Wouldn’t that be a darn shame? I understand that in this red dress and all made up, it’s a bit of a stretch to classify this under “sports pokies”, but the bike is there, and the bike seat is jammed up in her crotch, and I can’t necessarily think about anything else at this time.

As you can probably notice right away with this photo, we may have some nice big round boobies, but the elephant in the room here is the upskirt. I love how she has those legs spread wide open, and her crotch grinding on the bike seat. The boobs, at this point, are nothing but a very nice bonus. If you stare hard enough and long enough, and I know you are, you may notice some pokies in that white tanktop. I’m not a fan of the visor, but I’ll get over it.

More cyclist selfie cleavage. I guess this is the thing now? Look, if I had an instagram account and I had boobs I would be doing it too. Well, I mean, I have boobs, but they are man boobs, and I’m talking about woman boobs.

Update 2:
There is a lot to take in here. The handbra thing is made difficult when you have hooters as massive as this gal. She is perched on this exercise bike, and the seat is rammed so far up her butt that we can practically smell it. All of this perfectly presents her little mound for us to stare at, with her flawless legs spread ever so slightly.

Aly Raisman is (obviously) a hot gymnast who bounced to fame in the London Olympics in 2012. She had some trouble with a creepy doctor, and became a bit of a spokesperson for the feminist movement. She also doesn’t mind posing nude, was that for Sports Illustrated? By the way, she has 2.3M followers on Instagram, so I guess you could say she’s popular. Rather curvy, but difficult to find those pokey pics of her.

Although I’m too fat to run, I at least appreciate running. And especially women who run… and get sweaty… and have nipples poking out of their sportswear. Seriously, one Saturday morning when you’re feeling less lazy, set your alarm and climb out of bed and go check out a local 5k run. The chicks love to huff and puff and weeble-wobble through the 5k’s. It makes them feel like they are accomplishing something, and leaves them feeling less guilty about stuffing their face with carbs and hamburgers later in the day.

It’s not uncommon to see incredibly hot beach volleyball chicks with pokies. Obviously it’s a hot, sweaty exercise. A sportsbra or a bikini top gets a little wet, those boobies get jiggled a bit, and BAM here come the pokies.

I can’t go to swim meets. Seeing chicks in those super-tight swimsuits, and knowing they are all wet and have nothing on underneath gives me the shivers. Last time I tried this, I ended up humping a trash can in the lobby of an artsy-fartsy YMCA. You would think these swimwear manufacturers would know to double up on the material in the crotch and nipple areas to keep the goods from showing through. Maybe they do, and babes just keep buying cheap Chinese knockoffs.

Occasionally those knockout crossfit gals pop up in their tiny sportsbras with their washboard abs and their inflated boobs and they make me sick. By sick I mean aroused and panting. It wasn’t that long ago that I did the post about hardbodies. You might think I have a thing for muscular babes, but really I appreciate allll shapes and sizes.

No post talking about sporty chicks and boobs is complete if you don’t cover tennis. Ana Ivanovic, Jennifer Capriati, and Martina Hingis have been known to smuggle a few raisins in their shirts. I can’t imagine trying to coach a hot chick who bounces around on a court all day in a short skirt and her nipples poking out. It would be a recipe for disaster, likely to end up with me trying to get crusted on kleenex scratched off various parts of my body.

I’ll leave you with a random gymnastics babe who is certainly not contained in a bra and just might have eaten a camel toe for breakfast. Also while I’m at it, a perfectly timed shot of a volleyball goddess hitting a serve at the top of her jump, with her pokies highlighted like she’s standing in a perverted spotlight.

Other swimmer pokies.
A very tightly stretched sportsbra.

I realize that fit chicks aren’t everybody’s cup of tea. Some folks like their women a little softer. News flash: don’t take this the wrong way but if I write the posts I get to choose the topics! So if I have a hankerin for veiny gals today, so be it.

And I do! So prepare yourself.

We should probably start off with crossfit pokies. Unlike ultramarathons or balet, crossfit tends to turn bodies into living breathing sculptures. I don’t own a TV since my doublewide trailer didn’t come with one standard, but I’ve heard crosfit is really popular to watch on TV. Or on youtube, whatever the heck that is.

I’m convinced dudes don’t watch crossfit because of the competition, it’s because of these smoking hot chicks. Here is one example. Not an ounce of at on her, she’s flipping around on this chinup bar like gravity no longer applies. If I even managed to jump up there, it would probably rip my chubby little fingers out of joint. She’s in her skimply little sportsbra, with her perky little pokies jumping around. And those shorts, don’t get me started on the shorts. I’m sure her butt isn’t like flat; probably looks like two delicious yummies are stuffed in there.

I have seen this chick on youtube before, but I don’t remember her name. I will eventually get around to including some videos I have of her in one of my compilations, and I’ll try to remember to come back and update this page when I do (stay tuned). Funny thing, in her early videos from a few years ago, she had little bewbz. A year or two ago, she magically sprouted these very circular golden orbs. Noooot that I’m complaining. She stomps around in her backyard throwing very heavy barbells around, all the while trying to keep those new DD’s from booming out of her top. Damn good thing her property has a fence around it, otherwise all the boys in the neighborhood would be stopping by for a milkshake.

Okay, see all those red weights? What, you don’t? Oh, excuse me, I need to give you a minute to get un-lost from this gal’s maddeningly delicious cleavage. It’s like falling into a black hole with lots of gravity, isn’t it? The fact that she’s straining and making an ugly face and sweaty and stinky: don’t matter. We’re dudes, and we gotta get up in da’ cleavage. Anyway, those red weights are approximately equal to three elephants. The fact that she can shove them across a floor for half a mile without giving herself a hernia, peeing in her pants, or growing armpit hair is kinda unbelievable. The only way I could slide that sled is if somebody hooked it up to the back of my redneck truck. And even then, 50/50 that it would jerk my rusty bumper off.

This is a little fuzzy, but the shot make the cut because of those abs. And yeah, you have to tip your hat to the nearly transparent sports bra full of pokies. But dang, those abs. When she sneezes, her abs are so tight you could probably drop an ice cube down her shirt and it would sound like a xylophone. That may have happened considering how cold those little nips look. Does she eat nails and maybe a piece of celery for breakfast every morning? Slightly different than sayyyy pop-tarts, course you can actually see her abs.

This training session is like a road construction project – there are more people watching than there are working. I’d be watching too, very closely, if this little hottie was doing something with that big ball right in front of me. Do you think she even has a bra on? Hard to tell, what with the white shirt and the Mt. Vesuvius pokies. Her legs and arms look strong enough to turn me into a very horny unsalted pretzel. Her skin color is a bit dark, and it makes me wonder if she has tanlines. Hubba-hubba, toss that ball and let me get a look at your crotchola please, I’m getting overheated.

This girl looks fast, doesn’t she? I bet she would flex those long, lean, tan legs, and she would be gone in a flash of pigtails, womansweat, and a flash of nip. Forget running, what she’s about to do is show that barbell who the boss is. Grab it, flip it over her head squat down, spread her legs… and I’ll stop right there. If the world was just, you and I would be sitting here looking at her squatted down with her tender thighbone exposed for the world to see with her frozen nipples clinched up. Did I mention she has blue eyes? I might be in love/lust.

I’m kind wanting to stop, but I can’t. Does this suggest addiction? Too damn late to worry about that. Let’s discuss just one more crossfit goddess. You know, it’s the imperfections that keep me looking longer. See the kinda goopy deodorant caked underneath her underarms? Hey man, that’s just real life. She is out there working hard, with her gigantic boobies squashed into that tanktop. She’s sweaty, it’s a bad hair day, most of the F’ing United States is watching a broadcast of her nipples, and all she wants is that plastic trophy. I heart you girl, I really do. I’d help you pull that whatchamacallit down, or whatever you’re doing, cause I’m here to help. I mean ogle. Well, both, if you so choose.

I looked all over the site, and didn’t see any previous crossfit posts. This post about the tough mudder from about a year ago is the closest thing I could find.

Sometimes Amanda gets sweaty too.

To continue on with our popular sports pokies series, we can check out some Tough Mudder pokies.

Interesting how specific we can get, right? If sports pokies are a fairly specific niche of braless pokies, tough mudder pokies are even more specific.

Tough Mudder is a kind of mud run. This is where a crazy obstacle course is set up and participants run through it as a challenge. Sometimes the obstacles can involve fire or water hazards. They frequently involve mud, hence the name.

Just like any amateur athletic endeavor, some folks who do these events are in excellent shape, and some are flabby. It’s not uncommon, thankfully, to see hot chicks in sports bras and teeny-tiny little spandex shorts.

When they start getting wet and/or muddy, or they start sweating, BAM! out come the nipples. Now admittedly, in some of these photos you have to look sort of close in order to see the pokies. But I am pretty sure none of you folks mind perving it up and staring at the pics in minute detail.

I highly recommend you try spectating at one of the mud events. Unlike the typical 5k or triathlon, a number of these chicks are cross-fitters, and lean isn’t so much the name of the game as curvy and/or muscular. Which means you get to watch them swinging from ropes, and belly-crawling through mudpits, and occasionally falling onto a hot bed of coals, all while wearing nearly nothing with their boobs howling in protest.

This usually involves bouncing of the mammary glands, trust me.

And if you like dirty girls, not as in perverted ones, I’m talking about actual dirt, here would be your chance. I personally prefer a lady to smell a little like lilacs and have some fingernail polish on with properly coiffed hair, but hey to each his own.